Wait 'til Martin comes…

That’s definitely how alcoholism tends to manifest.

Major fucking cunt.

My former boss (Canada) kept a bag of ephedrine bottles in our produce cooler. Dude was twitchy as fuck. Very bird/dinosaur-like.

He would take several per day and chase them with coffee and energy shots. Then he would complain intermittently about vomiting blood due to his ulcers.

My daughter’s pre-school just sent out a message this week that the kids are preparing for a Christmas concert. It asked parents to help them practice the lyrics in the meantime and then provided a copy of that atrocity. There’s like five other popular Christmas songs I can think of off the top of my head that are religiously neutral, but we couldn’t do Up On the Housetop, could we?

There really is no escaping her.

I also want to punch MAGAs and their dorky red hats, but you don’t really get to tell them to remove them. That’s their dumb fucking choice. Not worth getting booted off a plane for. Your energy would be better spent walking past them multiple times during the flight to fart.

I’d say Bandits, but he’s only worthy of the Renegades.

Putin belongs in Yantar like the swamp-fuck he is.

I wish I could go back two years and tell myself that soon everyone will hate this bucky asshole as much as I do.

How many Olympic-size swimming pools would it fill?

Sometimes you can find scimitars in there. You can chop a camel right in its hump and drink all of its milk right off the tip of those things.

Not going Eggo was their first mistake. In my experience, when it comes to frozen waffles, there is no room to fuck around.

I get it. My wife and I just bought a home in Canada this summer and the pressure is very real. The prices just keep climbing and there is so much competition for everything that comes up on the market. Throw in periodic drops in interest rates and you feel like you have to pounce now or you’ll never get one.

We were very fortunate that the sellers chose us specifically because of our family dynamic and the vacancy their own family was leaving in our little neighborhood of playing/communal children. We got the house at asking price and are well within our budget, but things were looking a bit grim there until fate worked itself out. People put shit-holes up for 400k and half the time people buy it anyway. If they don’t, the price drops by 15k and it’s sold the next day.

That’s so fucked up. When I was young I was friends with this dysfunctional redneck family who had taken in this tiny black kitten for a couple of weeks and then ejected it from the home when they failed to properly litter train the thing. I remember it wandered outside in their swampy, semi-rural woods for a few days. Some time later I asked about the cat again, and was told the older brother had “shot it right in the heart with a 22 when he saw it come up the road”.

Looking back on my many weekends spent with that family, I can’t believe I agreed to keep going over there. But I was young, friends were scarce, and we could pretty much do whatever we wanted.

Eventually the family turned on me as well when I had apparently become the scapegoat any time my friend had gotten in trouble for doing something. The mom developed an inherent distaste for me and even the uncles and grandparents started treating me like shit for things I hadn’t done or had little involvement in.

Glad nobody shot me in the heart.

People are saying.

I can’t wait to go Christmaos Jinping this year! They just put in a new Target in the workers quarter.

I’ve never cared much about TikTok but old Vine memes make me wish I had been more involved with that platform. If Loops ends up being cool, it might be neat to help pioneer something for once.

Get some needle-nosed tweezers or something very thin and use it to dig out the obscene amount of pocket lint that compacts itself down in there. Keep trying even if nothing comes out at first. This works for me every time.

Being an entire bear being eaten alive by an entire bear must be awful.