Godot.

The correct response is: shhhh it’s quiet time. Those around you will adapt.

“Would you recommend this to a parallel universe instance of yourself in a similar situation, who is not yet decided on a purchase?”

Haha you’re right, it probably doesn’t really apply to most things. I do get asked what I recommend more than the average person because my friends and family know I research purchases too much. I hate buying junk.

This is good. I would consider adding “Would you recommend to a friend” but that may be redundant given what you have already.

My favorite is the one star review when it’s a shipping issue. “Look at this, the box is ripped!”