z500

You win a free trip to the Hague

Apparently “cotton” and “Mexican” are slurs

I wonder what the chances are that Russia did this.

I say we elect that one guy behind him who barely reacts at all

They put it back about an hour later

I’m already 2 years older than Mozart was when he died, the fuck am I even doing with my life

I can believe it when we can barely manage to spot an asteroid heading in our direction before it’s basically whizzing past us

Nice, very trochaic

Pour it on yourself and you’ll never have to work another day in your life

“ingenuity is kill”
“no”

And I will see my dream come alive at last

I saw George W. Bush at a grocery store in Kennebunkport yesterday. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him and ask him for photos or anything.

He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?”

I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard him chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen Milky Ways in his hands without paying.

The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Sir, you need to pay for those first.” At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter.

When she took one of the bars and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “to prevent any electrical infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each bar and put them in a bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly.

Absolutely me:

But “was killed” is literally a passive construction

No kidding, sometimes I have to take a napkin and wipe most of it off. Really excessive.

Well there goes my dream of quitting my job and living in a towel fort at Bed Bath and Beyond

EINER

Honestly I’m probably just going to keep mining the 60s-00s for music like I always have. Now that I have a job and less time to find music I’ll probably never run out lol